I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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