i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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