Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
