I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
