So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
