Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
