Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
