oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
