Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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