I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
