I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
