Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Randomize
