Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
