One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
