Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
