Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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