So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
