can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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