she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
