Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
