I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
