Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
