he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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