So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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