I think scott just propositioned me for sex
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
