I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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