Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
