My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
