Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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