70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
