you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
