come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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