I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
