Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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