Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
