What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
