Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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