she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
