He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
