It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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