Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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