We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
