Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You were trust falling into bushes
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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