yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
