He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
