you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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