When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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