You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
