omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
