So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
