I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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