All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
