this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I FOUND THE LEGS
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
